When your spouse cheats

7 traits most cheaters have in common

Of those surveyed, 57 per cent shared that they cheated to boost their own self-esteem, whilst 70 per cent shared that it was down to neglect from their current partner or due to situational reasons, such as intoxication. Another reason included them simply wanting more variety in sexual partners. The top reason for why those who took part in the survey cheated: 77 per cent of participants felt a lack of love. For many men, they often describe feeling marginalized; especially when kids come along and they feel they have to compete for intimacy with the kids.

So loneliness or lack of erotic attention seems to be the motivating factor. For women, the sense of alienation is often in relation to themselves; in becoming caregiver they become disconnected from their erotic self.

When Your Spouse Cheats On You — Financially

It involves lies, secrecy. But there are all kinds of things happening in the relationship, and betrayal sometimes comes in many forms. For example: a woman who was constantly put down or ignored by her partner. If she goes and cheats, is she the one who betrayed the relationship first, or did he?

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Or what about the man who has a partner who no longer wants sex with him? Couples that choose to stay together after an affair fall into three categories: sufferers, builders, and explorers. For sufferers, the affair remains a black hole permanently fixed at the center of the relationship. What follows can be a lifetime of emotional pain. Builders, relieved to have put it in the past, simply soldier on.

The affair is sealed over, and nobody goes there again. The third category, the explorers I find the most interesting.


Instead of playing detective and asking all of the obsessive questions i. The investigative questions are to help you understand the meaning — why did this happen?

What is it that you were looking for? Did you think about me and the kids? Amy didn't know what to do other than seek God and the help of godly friends who would walk with her as she fought to save her marriage. Discovering an affair can cause deep and intense emotional pain.

12 Tough Things You MUST Do If You Stay With A Cheating Husband

If you've been there, my heart goes out to you. The sense of betrayal, loss of trust and the sting of deception can be overwhelming. Typically this triggers deep emotions in both the partner being cheated on and in the spouse involved in the affair.

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To be certain we are on the same page, infidelity is defined by Merriam-Webster as "the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one's husband [or] wife. It is often reported that the betrayal felt with an emotional affair can be equally as intense as that felt with a sexual affair.

Either way, trust is broken, and the emotional impact of the affair is devastating. During the discovery of any extramarital affair , many questions surface about the true colors of the marriage relationship. Typically, the unfaithful spouse is found to have struggles with low self-esteem, alcoholism, drug abuse or even a sexual addiction.

Helping Families Thrive™

Additionally, marital issues that may have been brewing for years are often uncovered. Typically, these will be unspoken matters that have increasingly caused disconnection, silence and a gradual separating of hearts between spouses. But the affair isn't going to be the answer to any of the marital concerns.

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An affair is often born out of a fantasy in which an individual seeks to escape the reality of either individual or marital problems. And the person outside the marriage is often seen as the temporary solution to real-life challenges. If you, like Josh and Amy, have experienced an affair in your marriage, I want to support you and offer some direction on how to save your marriage. First, I encourage you not to make any quick decisions about ending your marriage. Take your time and do the hard work of understanding what was behind the affair.

30 Subtle Signs Your Husband Is Cheating

During this time, you will need to give each other space — possibly a temporary separation. Because of the deep emotions associated with betrayal and grief that often follow the discovery of an affair, the needed space is encouraged. This may look different for every couple, so I encourage you to do this under the guidance of a counselor , trusted friend or pastor. Amy depended largely on a group of godly girlfriends who surrounded her as she considered what her next steps might be.

As I proceed in this discussion, I really want to address both parties involved in an extramarital affair: the offended spouse the one who has been cheated on and the unfaithful spouse. You may be overwhelmed by the level of emotion you are experiencing. These emotions can range from utter devastation to intense sadness and everything in between. If you find yourself in a season like Amy did, with small children to care for and a house to keep up, know that Amy admitted, "Some days it was difficult to just get out of bed.

To function during this heart-wrenching stage of your family life, taking great care of yourself is essential. You'll need to attend to your basic needs for food, sleep, exercise and healthy stress management. Although it may feel unrealistic at first, the more you can do to meet these basic needs amid the emotional turmoil, the healthier you will be.

As you walk this difficult path, you will probably have many questions about the details of the affair, your own value, your spouse's true character and what you did to contribute to the situation. Give yourself permission to ask your spouse questions about the affair or your marriage relationship, requesting complete honesty and transparency when he or she answers.

As you question your own value or worth — an anxiety that often results after being cheated on — I encourage you to turn to the Lord. Ask Him to speak to your wounded heart about what He sees when He looks at you and what the truth is about who you are. Remember that God is the only source of truth that is fully reliable and always available. During this time you'll need to seek the support of family and friends.

The Enemy would love to feed you the lie that no one else has been down this road, and he'll try to deceive you into remaining isolated and alone. Don't give in to the Enemy's lies!

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